I have known disappointment.
Looking back over my life, I can remember being disappointed in my dad. I wanted him to be the kind of father I thought other girls had. As a teenager, I drove old “beater” cars while some of my friends drove newer cars their parents provided for them. Later, I worked while going to college when I wished I could have had more financial support from my parents.
For years, I looked back at some of those things as ways my dad had failed to provide for me.
But God has given me a different perspective.
I realize now that some of what I called disappointment wasn’t really about provision at all.
It was about shame.
I was embarrassed by what I drove. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be popular instead of being laughed at. I looked at what other young people had and measured my father’s provision against theirs.
Isn’t it interesting that Romans 10:11 says:
“Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.”
Other translations express that same thought as the one who believes in Him “will not be disappointed” or “will not be put to shame.”
And now, all these years later, I can see something I couldn’t see then.
My dad actually provided something for me far more valuable than a new car or a paid college education.
My dad had my half brother, who was a preacher, talk with my sister and me about salvation through Jesus Christ. I was twelve and my sister was thirteen when we asked Jesus to be our Lord and Savior.
Think about that.
The father I once thought hadn’t provided enough for me helped point me toward the One who would provide everything I would ever truly need.
My dad gave us an opportunity to receive the greatest gift he could possibly have given us—Jesus.
And for that, I am deeply grateful.
Would I have understood that at twelve, thirteen, sixteen or eighteen years old? Probably not. Back then I could see the old car sitting in the driveway. I could see what my friends had that I didn’t have.
What I couldn’t see was the eternal significance of what my dad had given me.
Isn’t that sometimes how we view God too?
We look at what He hasn’t given us.
Why don’t I have that?
Why did they get that and I didn’t?
Why did I have to struggle?
Why didn’t You provide differently, Lord?
And if we’re not careful, we can mistake God not providing what we wanted for God not providing what we needed.
I have experienced many disappointments throughout my life. People have disappointed me. Circumstances have disappointed me. Things I hoped would happen didn’t happen. Things I prayed would change didn’t always change when or how I wanted them to.
There have even been times when I didn’t understand what God was doing.
But not understanding God is not the same thing as God being unfaithful.
Romans 5:5 tells us that our hope does not disappoint us. Why?
Because ultimately our hope isn’t resting in what God gives us.
Our hope rests in who God is.
Looking back now, I don’t only see what I didn’t have.
I see what I did have.
I see a dad who made sure his daughters heard about Jesus.
I see a twelve-year-old girl saying yes to Christ.
And I see a Heavenly Father who has faithfully walked with that little girl ever since.
Maybe you’ve experienced disappointment too. Perhaps you’re looking at something God hasn’t provided and wondering why.
Don’t judge His provision too quickly.
What looks like lack today may look very different when viewed through the wisdom of tomorrow.
I once thought provision looked like a better car.
Today I know better.
The greatest provision I ever received wasn’t sitting in my driveway.
He was hanging on a cross.
I have been disappointed many times in this life.
But the One my dad helped point me toward when I was twelve years old?
I have never been disappointed in Him.
Prayer
Father, thank You for giving me clearer eyes to look back over my life. Forgive me for the times I measured provision by possessions, comparison or the approval of others. Thank You for my dad and for the part he played in pointing my sister and me toward Jesus. Help me trust You when I don’t understand what You are providing—or what You are withholding. I know now that my greatest need has already been provided through Your Son. My hope is in You, and I know I will never discover that trusting You was a mistake.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
